I need help

I need help. 

I am not one who is accustomed to asking for help. I’m an only-child introvert with several planets in Taurus, Pisces, Aquarius, and Pluto, meaning that I’m a completely comfy homebody witchy weirdo. But really. I need your help. I’ve been trying to fill loneliness with all the things that are not courageous. With sugar and bread and alcohol and intrigue and fantasy and late nights with lack of sleep and several cups of coffee to return me to the land of the living when dark thirty comes calling. I need your help. I need to talk to someone, after all. The seemingly simple solution of meetups and Facebook groups and coworkers just isn’t doing the trick. I need connection, I need to feel seen, I need to feel heard. 

The life changes I’ve made for myself make it rather more difficult for me to connect with others. I would like to remain sober in more ways than one, I would prefer to discuss empathy and connect over a home-cooked meal or a walk down an unexplored part of town on a weekend afternoon. In short, I want friends. Friends that I can call when my head feels underwater and the loneliness turns into overwhelm that gets channeled into more work and then more responsibility and then more avoidance of necessary self-care and awareness. I am craving comfort food, anything will do. I am in danger of compromising my ethics because I am effectively emotionally strung-out. 

I need your help. Not the proverbial you, but the you that decides which fights I’m ready to have presented as a challenge, the you that lays out potential eventualities as clear as can be in the hopes that I will listen and see and take heed of what is to come. The you that doesn’t dole out punishments but simply lets those present choices run their future course, consequences be damned. 

Please, I pray, help me to find my community. That elusive word that could mean so many different things. Belonging, acceptance, connection, all wrapped up into one reliable parable. Help me find my people, help me take the lead. Give me courage to reach out, just when I feel myself beginning to fall back into the shadows of my own fear and isolation. Help me connect with that actionable creativity that turns chaos into clarity. Help me dig myself out of this protective enclosure, which I’m sure served it’s own intuitive purpose at some point in my life. Help me to be grateful to my protections before releasing them. Help me to turn off my listening ear, and revive my sense of self-belonging, which no one can remove, save me. I don’t need saving, I don’t need dragging, I don’t even need answers...I only need guidance. Just show me the ways, and I will do my best to choose with courage, serenity and wisdom. Please, help me. 

What I Want

Woman Seeking MAN:

25-35. WHO IS: Firmly in himself and truly knows, if not who he is, then who he wants to be. Bright and courageous in his heart. Possesses courage enough to be vulnerable with his own feelings and state of mind, and to be humbly honest, aware, and open to realizations as they come. Able to take care of himself completely, along with his emotions. Part of a strong support network that he knows the true value of. Does not believe that a partner will complete him or that his lovability or worth depends on a partner’s acceptance. Does believe in a partnership that is based on mutual respect and trust. Sexually experienced in the art of enthusiastic and affirmative consent. Understands that words always come before actions. Does not believe that his appeal or desirability depends wholly on his physical appearance, his job, or his material possessions. Is aware of the world around him and consciously strives to widen that awareness. PASSIONATE about something that fulfills him and/or benefits others. Is open to receiving feedback and constructive criticism around his behavior. Willing to adapt, open his heart, and learn new ways of reacting and showing up in partnership. Will not try to mold his partner to fit his reality. Unafraid of confrontation for the sake of furthering and deepening emotional intimacy. Resilient, in spirit and in body. Looking for a long-term, committed, monogamous partnership that is mutually beneficial to both parties. 

Seeking WOMAN: 
26. WHO IS: Firmly in possession of herself. Knows who she is and what she wants. Has a witchy-wise woman vibe about her that he finds particularly endearing. Very good at taking care of herself and values the strong support network she has spent years building up around her. Always strives to deepen her self-knowledge and awareness, no matter the cost. Good at hearing the hard truths but terrible at being manipulated or lied to. Knows the worth and limitations of her beauty and strives daily for current self-acceptance. Willing to practice living consciously in the present. Cares deeply about the planet that she resides on and her behavior reflects that care. Sincerely kind with a strong instinct to take care of others. Seeking a true partner who will choose his desire to see her over his fears of what he may find, or how he may fall. 

Ok Universe. You heard my call. Now bring him to me.